dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
