I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
