I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
