I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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