I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
