well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize