You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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