Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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