Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
