you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
