he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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