oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
