I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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