I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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