it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
