Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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