My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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