i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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