I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
