Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
