and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He felt like a one man threesome
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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