i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
