We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
