i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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