Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
