who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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