Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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