I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
