We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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