May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
