I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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