Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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