the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
