It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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