My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You made out with two different species that night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
