the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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