i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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