So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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