Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..

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(912): View more from Georgia

you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

(919): View more from North Carolina

That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

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(818): View more from California

two words...techno handjob

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(806): View more from Texas

I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over

(1+44): View more from

Wet with either fear or sexual excitement

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I think a mixture of both is appropriate

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

I know, im living my 7th grade dream

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.

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