i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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