Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she smelled like a LAN party
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
