spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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