Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
