Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had sex on a roof
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
