hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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