I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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