Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
