I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
