I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.