He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.