My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is Oprah even human
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.