U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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