I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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