I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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