i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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