I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
