I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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