We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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